Saturday, January 28, 2012

Sometimes, we only learn by doing

I've read the horror stories of folks busting open packs and boxes of American Pie or Americana.  I've read how badly these products suck.  I've seen the pack-breaking videos that resulted in a pile of cardboard being lit aflame - okay, slight exaggeration there.

Did those things stop me from buying a pack of each of these products?  No.  How bad was it?  Well, since I was driving, my wife actually opened the packs for me while we cruised down the road between shop stops.  When she had opened both packs, rattling off the titles/names of each card, she said, "Wow. You got ripped off."  Yes. Yes, I did.

Does it even matter which cards came from which packs?  No.  But, here we have Topps American Pie "Marciano Retires Undefeated," Miles Davis," and "Catch-22" to start things off.  Okay, I admit, the Miles Davis is pretty cool.  And, if you thought things couldn't get worse, you'd be wrong.

The other three cards in the pack (Yes, you get a whopping six cards for $2.99 or $1.99 or $56.75, whatever it cost. No matter what it cost, it was too much to pay for this crap) are: "Fads and Fashions: Troll Dolls," American Top 40 Debuts," and "The Simpsons Premieres."  Look, I don't give a rip about Trolls Dolls.  Top 40 is all well and good for the sake of music and long distance dedications, I suppose.  I have never been a fan of The Simpsons. In fact, I would venture to say that I have never watched a complete episode.  So, anybody want some junk wax? Free for the asking.

As if that weren't bad enough, I also bought Panini Americana.  Why?  i don't know, I guess I was feeling rather patriotic. I shouldn't have. I won't ever again.  My wife read off the names with a severe disdain tone to her voice (or maybe it was bewilderment): "Lorna Luft" - My wife turned the card over to read that she is the daughter of Judy Garland.  "Stephen Baldwin," she said, followed by, "Seriously?"  The third one is "Selma Blair."  No comments were made on that one. It wasn't worth a comment.

She read the next two flatly, "George Kennedy and Eric Roberts."  That was when she rifled through all the cards again, saying, "You got ripped off.  That's it?" (Or something along those lines)

Save your money, people.  Don't buy this junk.  I was hoping to score the elusive Frank Zappa card sought out by several collectors.  Instead, I would have done better with a pencil and some 'insert filler' cards to draw on myself.

Seriously, if anybody wants any of these, they are yours for the asking.  But, really, who would even admit to wanting them?


  1. looks like you got some lame packs. I haven't bought any of these. It looks like I won't either. I sort of like some of the cards that I've seen, but not enough to buy any packs. I'm sort of partial to the Simpsons and Miles Davis card though. I might could turn them into some Indians cards if you're interested.

  2. That Rocky card is the best American Pie card I have seen yet. Actually it is the only one that I have even seen that is worth owning. Wonder if there are any other boxers in the set?

  3. I'm not interested in boxing but I agree with AdamE. I haven't bought any of these myself yet.

  4. Jeremy - you got 'em, man! Adam, I'll happily shoot it your way. I've opened 90's junk wax with better cards in it...

  5. Okay cool. I'll look for some Indians cards to send your way.